Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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