Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
