We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
