hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
