Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
