i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
