Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize