Just fell off a train. Bad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
