I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
