It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i came on her dog
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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