I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
