I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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