Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
