Yo dont text me then not text me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is wine microwaveable?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
