Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
