Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
