:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
