final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
