I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
