I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
