Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
