I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
