Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
