I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
