I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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