on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
