The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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