I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
