I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
