And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
