genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
