Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You don't make any sense
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