woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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