you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
