We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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