So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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