my mouth tastes like poor choices
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
