He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
