I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
