im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
