Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
