You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
