I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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