Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
