my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
