i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
