My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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