so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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