My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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