idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All the doctor said was why
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
