So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This baby is an asshole
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
