I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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