never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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