Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
