hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
