Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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