i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
