oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
