You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
