if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You can't special order awesome
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
