I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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