Whod you bang
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
