my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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