community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
