My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
