My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
